Some predictions are like sweet denim jackets or A-Ha’s “Take On Me”: they never go out of style. As 2021 draws to a close, you’ll see tech pundits from across the Internet carefully calculating their predictions of what exactly is going to happen in the year ahead. Many of these will be right, but they will also be boring.

But where’s the fun in that? I too can tell you Apple’s going to make a 27-inch iMac or an iPhone 14 or that Tim Cook will start an event with “Good mooooorninnnng,” but none of that is any more surprising than telling you that Apple will make a hojillion dollars.

So instead, I welcome you to the first installment of my Perennial Predictions. You know, the ones we make every year which never seem to come true. But even an iPhone screenshot is right twice a day, so when the clock does tick over to 9:41, you’ll look like a genius. So prepare to be amazed, as I tell you what will transpire in [insert year here].

Apple will revive the AirPort. I’ve just about had it with these monkey-fighting routers on this Monday to Friday Internet! Look, my Eero is all fine and dandy, but I long for the days of my wonderful AirPort Extreme, a device that worked so well that I almost never had to configure it (which was good, since even the slightest change meant you had to restart it.)…

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