“I’m gonna jam a Montblanc pen down his fuckin’ throat,” warns Logan Roy in the trailer for this Sunday’s episode of HBO’s Succession, his aggressiveness concealing the fact that he has also happened upon the most elegant improvised office weapon of all time.

Barack Obama, Warren Buffett, the Dalai Lama, Pope Benedict… they’ve all signed world-altering documents with writing instruments crafted by the legendary German brand. Now, I know, “writing instrument” sounds lame as hell. But alas, that is in fact the official term. As per the brand website, these hallowed creations are so fancy that Montblanc chiefs glower at the use of the plebeian word “pen.” If a Bic is your everyday meat and potatoes, consider these bad boys to be high-grade Wagyu beef served with lobster tail.

Buying for a gentleman of Roy’s vintage at Christmas is a difficult task to the point of cliché: Has your grandad even opened that Old Spice set you bought him last year? If you ask me, something like a luxury pen writing instrument is the perfect gift. Like a fine Global kitchen knife or Baccarat crystal glass, It’s the type of thing he’d enjoy but probably wouldn’t splurge on for himself (prices range from a couple of hundred to several thousand dollars). Of course, the appeal of such craftsmanship is universal, and not limited to old curmudgeons.

Below, we’ve rounded up a list of some of our current favorite Montblanc scribes below. Just keep them out of the way of any larynxes.


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